I was nervous and excited for my first appointment. I was curious and eager to learn more, but I was worried. I did not appear to be nearly as ill as some of his other patients, and what if he did not find something “wrong enough?” I was secretly hoping for some horrible diagnosis, something that would justify how lousy I had been feeling for so long. Dr. Neville explained the connection between autoimmune diseases and Adrenal Fatigue, and it made sense. It just made so much sense! I did not get a horrible assessment, but he formulated a plan for me nonetheless. For the first time in a long time, I felt a glimmer of hope that I would finally begin to feel better. While the big details surrounding the reality of my life weren’t changing, I was somehow hoping that there was a magic wand somewhere that would make everything all better. My appointments were a highlight for me. I looked forward to them. They gave me hope. It was so empowering to talk with someone who understood and validated all of the “craziness” I was feeling. I had to wave the white flag of surrender, and that was hard to do. I have always been the girl to “push through” and find a way. Defeat and failure were never an option. I felt so inadequate that I couldn’t make it work. I had a body that was failing me, and a mind that was working against me. Depleted. Broken. Fatigued. Disheartened. Guilt. Shame. Fear. And still, a whisper of that drive trying to convince me to keep pretending I was just fine. My job was to do “nothing” at all. There was nothing to accomplish. Dr. Neville reminded me of that many times each day. My “job” was simply to exist. Permission granted to just “be.” No expectations. I began to realize just how much of my recovery was in my control. My mind turned back to the parts of the many conversations I have had with Dr. Neville. There were things I could change. Slowly, I began to feel empowered. Dr. Neville has helped me to see that I was actually always empowered. I just had to learn to trust my instincts again and follow my gut to do what was right for me along this healing journey. I had to learn to redefine my physical and emotional boundaries. I must have down time every day, and I needed to find a creative outlet for ME. I needed to find my voice again.